Makeover #4 ANESTHESIOLOGY PERSONAL STATEMENT - Part II (Page 1 | Page 2 | Page 3)

BEFORE (The Fool Comments)- CHARGING 200 on the Zoll Defibrillator! [Next Page]

On my way home from a tough clinical rotation I always ask myself, “Am I enjoying my life?” I would start wondering where I have been since I started my medical training. Even though I majored in engineering in college, I had an inclination for the medical field. However, my grades in freshman year made it difficult to pursue such field. You might say I was one of those students who had poor time management skills. [The writer should not want to so clearly highlight weaknesses from the past!—don’t lie, but don’t put the spotlight on them! Next year as a physician, the applicant will be expected to have superb management skills as a resident!]At the time when I graduated from Boston University (college of engineering) I was very happy to find a job with a respected company in the New England area. I got an engineering position at the Big CityTelephone Company (now known as CellularCo). At the time I had a good size debt as well an obligation to help my parents financially. So I thought considered myself I was [Always try to reduce the use of "was" as it does not sound active] lucky to find such a job. The job was only ten minutes from home and I was makingearned an above average starting engineering salary. Over the years, I was able to make enough to pay the rest of the mortgage of my parents’ home and save enough to allow me to ponder about a career change.

The critical question that I asked myself when I decided to pursue a different career was, “Where do you see yourself in ten years?” I could not answer the question with satisfaction. With my background I found Idid not have much choice freedom with my career in the company. I was a nuts and bolts kind of guy who likes to build or get involved in the mechanism how things worked, but the company was more oriented in service (company did not make or produce equipment but bought equipment for use). My only other choice to pursue my future was to get a doctor degree in engineering. After pondering about the length of time of study to get such a degree[As an applicant, the writer should avoid saying that he will not do something that takes a large time commitment—like medicine!] Finally I came to a realization that I had an opportunity make that leap that I once thought impossible. I found courage in the saying, “You only live once.” I decided to commit myself in pursuit of a medical degree. I decided to get that degree by any means, which meant even going studying at to a an foreign international [Sounds more positive than "foreign"] medical school.

Going back to that question that I asked myself when I come home from a tough clinical rotation, “Am I enjoying my life?” I can truly answer, ”yes” to that question with satisfaction. I enjoy the challenge of coming up with the reason for the patients’ symptoms and finding some kind of solutions that could improve the problem. I think the greatest enjoyment is dealing with a real person who expects some kind of solution. It is not just patient contact but the interaction among other physicians as well as patient in coming up with the right management. I sometimes wonder why I did not make this commitment sooner in my life. Yes, I do have those low moments where everything seems to fall apart, but I realized that everyone has those moments also. Those who make the difference in this profession or any profession is one’s that are able to recover with grace and recognize the insignificance of that moment and move on. I am happy to see patients, residents, and doctors, and realize that I am about to enter into my final phase of my pursuit of medical career. [ This paragraph is somewhat generic. Could be used for any specialty. Making it more specific to the career choice would be better. And by the way, we haven't even heard what that career choice is yet!]

During my various rotations I initially had preconceptions of many rotations. Like [Does not sound professional using the word "like" in an essay] I thought I would not enjoy Ob/Gyn or Pediatrics, because of the nature of the patients like crying children in Pediatrics or dealing with female issues in Ob/Gyn. However after fifth week into clinical rotations I realized the splendor and the elegance in each of those fields. For example, I was amazed with the way children became well, and how beautiful some of the smiles in children can be. In Ob/Gyn, I could not get enough of the procedures and concise surgeries. After having gone through many rotations I noticed that I was attracted to doing procedures. I found them challenging to get it right the first time and with minimal discomfort to the patient. I know that only with enough procedures under my belt that I am able to get to such level of skill. Given my background I would not have realized I could have reached this far. I believe having the opportunity to become a doctor is an honor and a privilege.

However, since I have a choice, I believe Anesthesiology comes close to what I enjoy doing. I would not stop after Anesthesiology residency; I would continue to pursue a fellowship in the Critical Care or Pain Management. I would like to embrace Anesthesiology and hold it responsibly. I believe there will be wonderful moments as well as turbulent times. I look forward to the challenge and reward of an engaging residency.

[This writer has a very interesting story to tell. The path to medicine is not typical. However, he has not convinced program directors of his interest in Anesthesiology!! Only in the last 3 sentences does it become apparent that this writer is applying to anesthesia! Don’t make it a big surprise! Tell people early on, what the PS is going to be about!

The first 2 paragraphs about coming into medicine NEED to be condensed into one succinct paragraph. We already know the applicant is going to be a doctor, the level of detail describing the prelude to medical school is probably too much. Now, we need to concentrate on saying why the candidate wants to become an anesthesiologist. The writer suddenly announces at the end that he want to pursue anesthesia, but doesn’t give any explanation.

WHY? What do he like about it? What led him to this path? Tell the reader more about the writer'sanesthesiology experience in medical school.

Also as an applicant with an "unconventional" training, it is important to highlight these differences as positive aspects, not as "last ditch" or "last chance" efforts. Always highlight the positives, and spin negative experiences into growth areas.]

[Next - The Patient has Survived!- Continue to page 3]